Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
