dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
