marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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