how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize