he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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