We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
