Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
