id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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