I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
