I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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