Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
