booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
