Soap is not a condiment
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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