seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
