my sisters under your porch take her home
what day is it and did you see me today?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
They are going to name an STD after you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
