My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
