so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
