Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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