3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
that's an acceptable place to lick
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
