Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
