Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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