...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
