Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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