I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
