I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think we might need a safe word for this...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize