I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
