i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
