and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
