I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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