If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
