i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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