i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
