I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
