If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
