Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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