I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
