I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
