Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
