PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
