Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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