There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
