My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
