the condom got lost in my hair
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
