if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Your topless pictures make me question reality
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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