i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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