he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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