is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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