He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
