I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
