All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
