just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
