Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
