ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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