The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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