A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
