I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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