listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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