u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
