Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
