Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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