i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
