So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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