Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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