Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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