she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize