He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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