We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
